Okay last time i wrote about happiness and the problem of defining it. well that subject had a lot to do with my current situation, because this is the first time in years that i can admit that most of the time i feel happy or lucky. last years have been so hard for me that I've always found something that ruins my feeling of being happy. of course there are things like that also now, but this feeling of happiness is kind of strong and beats the other things (usually). honestly i could divide my life into three things - being happy/lucky, being stressed because of school and work and sleeping and not thinking about anything (okay this could be combined with the first one because i feel happy when i get to sleep).
And yeah, this feeling is due to a huge crush that I'm having. yes i admit that I've had some crushes on some people before, too, but it has never been like that. we are dating. I'm in a relationship. wait, what? me - a good example of a person who is afraid of commitment. I'm not familiar with the situation because I've never been able to go on with the dating things and so on. i think it is because I'm so afraid of losing.
But as i said - this time its different. I'm so, completely, into it and I'm so happy about it. I've found someone that makes me happy and lucky and who really cares about me - and shows it. i cant believe this is happening to me. I've never met anyone like him. its just confusing that all this is happening so fast. we had known each other (we are studying in the same place, but different fields) for about half an year but we had almost nothing to do with each other until this fall. we started chatting with each other through facebook and it wasn't long until we had set up a meeting. god i remember how nervous i was before that. i knew i was interested in him but i would never have guessed that we would end up like this - and so soon. after that first meeting between just us two, we saw each other every day for the next week. after a week from our first date, we made the decision of being in a relationship. for me it was kind of obvious already then, because i had no interest in being with anyone else but him. and i guess it was the same for him because we agreed on that matter - being single changed officially into being in a relationship - for the first time in my facebook-time. and also the first real thing that can be defined as a relationship in my life.
Now its been over a month since i experienced all that. i can tell that it was hard to get used to the idea of NOT being single. into the idea that i have the best boyfriend in the world that cares about me and wants to be with be. that i could never let go.
And yes - I'm still leaving on January for my exchange period in Spain. Confusing. I mean its confusing that the thing you've been waiting for so long, more than anything, is now a thing that you aren't actually waiting for anymore. the thing that feels exciting but still distressing. I still don't know how we manage through that. For me, half an year is a long time, but for now its enough for me that i know that i couldn't imagine myself being with anyone else right now. i just wish that things didn't have to change even though i know they are gonna change. but i believe than we can make through my exchange period. i have a trust in our relationship. he is too good for me, and for now, i cant lose him. i just cant. i would like him to be here every minute of every hour of every day. we'll make it through!
